the big blue

the big blue, originally uploaded by (nz)dave.

dis·in·gen·u·ous

adjective

lacking in frankness, candor, or sincerity; falsely or hypocritically ingenuous; insincere:

usage

What he says is consistently disingenuous.

dis·in·gen·u·ous

The Beatitudes

The Beatitudes, originally uploaded by 4StringsGood.

fe.cund

adjective

1. producing or capable of producing offspring, fruit, vegetation, etc., in
abundance; prolific; fruitful: fecund parents; fecund farmland.
2. very productive or creative intellectually.

From O.Fr. fecond, from L. fecundus "fruitful, fertile"

Usage

His fecund imagination has conceived of yet another excellent blog.

fe.cund

My Planet

My Planet, originally uploaded by Jeff Fennell.

deign

intransitive verb

1. To think worthy; to condescend -- followed by an infinitive.
2. To condescend to give or bestow; to stoop to furnish; to grant.

Deign comes from Old French deignier, "to regard as worthy," from Latin
dignari, from dignus, "worthy." It is related to dignity, "the quality or
state of being worthy."

Usage

President Ahmadinejad deigned to release the hostages from Iran as proof of
his generosity.

deign

love joy

love joy, originally uploaded by daveparker.

mys·ter·y

noun
1. anything that is kept secret or remains unexplained or unknown: the mysteries of nature.
2. any affair, thing, or person that presents features or qualities so obscure as to arouse curiosity or speculation: The masked guest is an absolute mystery to everyone.
3. a novel, short story, play, or film whose plot involves a crime or other event that remains puzzlingly unsettled until the very end: a mystery by Agatha Christie.
4. obscure, puzzling, or mysterious quality or character: the mystery of Mona Lisa's smile.
5. any truth that is unknowable except by divine revelation.

usage

The inner workings of a woman's brain are a complete mystery to me.

mys.ter.y

Thought...

Thought..., originally uploaded by nikongirl70.

church·ill·i·an

of or relating to or suggestive of Winston Churchill.

Usage.

The churchillian nature of the British needs to come forth now.

church.ill.i.an

Color Sort

Color Sort, originally uploaded by Inside_man.

su.pine

Adj. inactive, passive, or inert, esp. from indolence or indifference. From the Latin supinus, lying face up, inactive.

Usage.

The supine response of the British to the illegal kidnap of their own forces by the Iranians has been shocking.

su.pine

Speed of Light

Speed of Light, originally uploaded by stinkytofu.

NEVER Mess With The Granny

A classic YouTube clip

Originally uploaded by solea.

Preparing the voyage

Preparing the voyage, originally uploaded by Alexander De Block.

Cat Predicts Death

Astonishing.

Colors of the Mediterranean

Colors of the Mediterranean, originally uploaded by canbalci.

Mum, Can I Go Out And Play?

Dining in Dangerous Company

Sarkosy comes out of a meeting with the Russian President looking a little the worse for wear and appears to veer dangerously between hilarity and terror. The last European to have met with Ex-KGB officers in London met a horrible painful death by irradiated nuclear poison. The moral of the tale is, hold a knife to your throat before swallowing anything offered to you by a Russian in Government. I felt almost sorry for him, watching it. He claims not to be a drinker. From the looks of it, it seems true, because possibly having had just a little, he almost comes unstuck. Handles himself well, I think.

UPDATE: The official response was that the President of France was out of breath, having rushed to the Press Conference knowing he was running late from his lunch. The truth is too anodyne sometimes.

Favourite Chocolate Bars Ever

According to a recent poll, these are Britains favourite chocolates in this order...

10. Cadbury's Caramel
9. Crunchie
8. Toblerone
7. Flake
6. Kit-Kat
5. Snickers
4. Galaxy
3. Mars

2. Curly Wurly (!)

1. Dairy Milk

Where's the Twix bar? Less popular than Crunchies or Toblerone? It's a conspiracy!

Middlesborough Police's Finest Stand Around As A Burglary Takes Place Behind Them

Superintendent Steve Swales, a local police commander, said: "Middlesbrough has made great strides in terms of our professionalism and the service we provide to our community."

Yes, we can just see those strides in action.

Middlesborough Police are making an appeal for the return of their 'Image of Professionalism', last seen stolen in a cardboard box by students running down the road. Any (reliable) witnesses in the area at the time?

French Beatbox Championships 2006

How To Beatbox

Sit in your room and then wait for that special moment of Spontaneous BeatBox Combustion. You won't know what's come over you!

Beatboxing With The Flute

Michael Bublé - A Real Singer

That Monday Feeling

First Rule of Getting By In The Workplace is... Pick your fights carefully.

Is Simpsons Based On Real Life?

Can Putting Sunglasses On Get Any Cooler?

Men Should Reclaim Their Place

And so Sean Morey has composed a little ditty to make sure we know just who's boss round here. Thanks Sean. It's so nice to know you're not alone... My wife is sitting opposite me laughing like she's been found out...

http://www.seanmorey.com/

Very Professional Pilots In A Crisis

No embedding on this clip of an engine on a plane failing on take-off. Could have gone horribly wrong, even fatally, apparently. This happened just two weeks ago. Follow the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KhZwsYtNDE

I wonder if my fascination is a bit morbid but I love clips like this.

This Comedy Clip Feels Really Serious

This World Of Ours

Double world in a sphere, originally uploaded by Sunneschii.

Always read...

TSP II, originally uploaded by ukaaa.

Getting ready to write...

Tres Cuartos, originally uploaded by scaamanho.

Please Fasten Your Seatbelt

That Monster Better Watch It. He'll Get His Ask Kicked.

A New Set Of Commandments

Yeltsin's Sense of Humour

Boris Yeltsin responds to a reporter's characterisation of him as a 'disaster' at the end of a successful summit with the then President of the United States; and Bill Clinton is beside himself with laughter.

So was he a disaster or not? He was a catalyst for democracy in the Soviet Union but also someone who partly through alcoholism & ill health proved unable to institutionalise reform sufficiently. Putin took over and has since been dragging the nation back towards dictatorship.

Boris Yeltsin died today.

Only history can tell whether his reforms will stand the test of time. I am not hopeful.

GET YOUR SKATES ON... Don't Miss The Train...

You just can't get the snow these days.

Time To Dream

My Secret, originally uploaded by R.Sanque.

You ARE Being Watched

1 in every 5 of the 25 million cctv cameras in the world (that's 20%) is located in the United Kingdom. That's 5,000,000 cameras watching the citizens of this country. Or an average of 300 cameras a day trained on you in London on a typical outing.

Have a happy day out.

What You Would Hear If You Were Just About To Go Into Battle

Kuwaiti Desert

About 20 miles from Iraq

Wednesday 19 March 2003

800 men of the 1st Battalion of the Royal Irish Regiment, part of 16 Air Assault Brigade along with a company of Gurkhas and soldiers from Fiji, Antigua, St Vincent, South Africa, Australia and Canada have gathered on the eve of battle at their Fort Blair Mayne camp in the Kuwaiti desert about 20 miles from the Iraqi border.

An embedded reporter takes up the story. "It was just after a sandstorm and all the men were standing around their commanding officer, Col Tim Collins, in a U-shape in the middle of a very dusty courtyard. The CO had said to me, 'I'll have to say a few words to the men to explain to them why they should take their anthrax drugs and malaria pills, or they just won't bother'. A lot of the Irish Rangers are very young and he wanted to explain something of the history and culture of Iraq to them. They knew that the public at home had doubts about the rightness of the war and he wanted to reassure them and tell them why they were there. It just grew and grew into something magnificent - it made you realise the true meaning of the term 'rallying cry'. He delivered the speech completely off the cuff," she recalls.

Although no recording of the speech was ever made, the reporter knew shorthand and managed to capture every word.

This is what he said.

"We go to liberate, not to conquer. We will not fly our flags in their country. We are entering Iraq to free a people and the only flag which will be flown in that ancient land is their own. Show respect for them.

There are some who are alive at this moment who will not be alive shortly. Those who do not wish to go on that journey, we will not send. As for the others, I expect you to rock their world. Wipe them out if that is what they choose. But if you are ferocious in battle remember to be magnanimous in victory.

Iraq is steeped in history. It is the site of the Garden of Eden, of the Great Flood and the birthplace of Abraham. Tread lightly there. You will see things that no man could pay to see and you will have to go a long way to find a more decent, generous and upright people than the Iraqis. You will be embarrassed by their hospitality even though they have nothing. Don't treat them as refugees for they are in their own country. Their children will be poor, in years to come they will know that the light of liberation in their lives was brought by you.

If there are casualties of war then remember that when they woke up and got dressed in the morning they did not plan to die this day. Allow them dignity in death. Bury them properly and mark their graves. It is my foremost intention to bring every single one of you out alive. But there may be people among us who will not see the end of this campaign. We will put them in their sleeping bags and send them back. There will be no time for sorrow.

The enemy should be in no doubt that we are his nemesis and that we are bringing about his rightful destruction. There are many regional commanders who have stains on their souls and they are stoking the fires of hell for Saddam. He and his forces will be destroyed by this coalition for what they have done. As they die they will know their deeds have brought them to this place. Show them no pity.

It is a big step to take another human life. It is not to be done lightly. I know of men who have taken life needlessly in other conflicts. I can assure you they live with the mark of Cain upon them. If someone surrenders to you then remember they have that right in international law and ensure that one day they go home to their family. The ones who wish to fight, well, we aim to please.

If you harm the regiment or its history by over-enthusiasm in killing or in cowardice, know it is your family who will suffer. You will be shunned unless your conduct is of the highest. For your deeds will follow you down through history. We will bring shame on neither our uniform or our nation.

[As for Saddam's chemical and biological weapons] It is not a question of if, it's a question of when. We know he has already devolved the decision to lower commanders, and that means he has already taken the decision himself. If we survive the first strike we will survive the attack.

As for ourselves, let's bring everyone home and leave Iraq a better place for us having been there.

Our business now is north."

One Of The Most Incredible Speeches Of The Twentieth Century

Want to hear what a prophetic, nation-changing, culture-shaping voice sounds like? Here it is.

Tony Royster - a bit older now

But They Didn't Say Anything About This In The Travel Agent's, Muriel, I'm Telling You...

Visit to Ms Poodle

Visit to Ms Poodle, originally uploaded by Linda6769.

This is my portion of beach!

ouch!, originally uploaded by takejiro.

...Thank you.

So We Designed The Pilot Out and We Just Use Computers Now...

Ooops... I'm sure it's just a minor bug. Back to the drawing board, Doofus.

Pachelbel As He Would Have Written It Today...

"Well, we would like Pachelbel's Canon but could you just sort of funk it up a little bit for us? I mean we don't want it too stately like..."

"You mean like this?"



"I just think you're showing off now."

You see... That's Just What Happens When You Haven't Been Practising Enough.

Shocking. If she spent half as much time practising as she did watching the Simpsons on TV and playing Nintendo she might eventually be able to play this piece a bit quicker and with a little more feeling. Woeful. Really woeful.

How On Earth Did They Get Hold of REAL Lightsabers?

If You Go Down in the Woods Today...

Be sure of a big surprise...

You Go In The Ring

Wife - You know. The quote about the man in the ring.
Me - Which one is that?
Wife - Where you go in the ring. You might get bashed about a bit but at least you had a go.
Me - You mean, Teddy Roosevelt's Man in the Arena quote?
Wife - Yeah, that's the one.
Me - Well that's a pretty concise summary.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

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You might get bashed about a bit. But at least you had a go.

Kill it, Cook it, Eat it

...is a fascinating programme on BBC3 showing how animals are taken, slaughtered and butchered. It seems that all is done in a humane way although you could easily imagine that once the cameras are switched off they may not be so thorough in their treatment. But actually I found it very reassuring. Tonight it was time for the silence of the lambs. The presenter hasn't been great at asking enquiring questions and as such has been a little irritating. However, he almost completely redeemed himself when he sat down next to the lamb farmer, having tasted one part of the lamb's remains being offered to the audience and said to the farmer, "It seems as if people can't get enough of your testicles." Oh, how I laughed. The only trouble is I have hurt my back so I couldn't laugh in such a way as to move it, but that only seemed to make me laugh louder and longer.

The Gospel of Childbirth

This really is a weird passage. Even in the CEV.

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'But women will be saved by having children, if they stay faithful, loving, holy, and modest.' 1 Tim 2:15. What? So women will receive eternal salvation by having children? Well that would be nonsense of course if that really was what Paul meant. But what it does suggest is that Paul is probably trying to counter a particular form of early heresy. And putting the jigsaw pieces together, it looks as if the false teaching was something to do with an unhealthy comparison between men and women, focussed on creation, i.e. 'Women good. Men bad. Look at Genesis'; and some sort of rejection of women having children connected with the curse of original sin.

But this is a troubling passage that has caused huge amounts of damage down through the ages with it's apparent prohibition of women teaching. I am not convinced that Paul is specifically forbidding women from teaching for all time and in every circumstance (or indeed from speaking as some incredibly fundamentalistic quarters maintain) for two reasons. Firstly there is talk of women leaders and teachers in other portions of scripture. Secondly there are hints aplenty in this passage of Paul wanting to address a specific heresy. One word frequently and traditionally translated as 'have authority over' in 2:12 actually has a much more defined specific meaning of 'usurping authority, seizing or taking over.' Again that fits with the strange pronouncements Paul is making at this point.

If it were the case that an outbreak of strident women were bursting on to the scene, taking over meetings and introducing a 'women are superior beings who must avoid being contaminated by bearing the offspring of men' teaching into the church then this little piece of Paul becomes much more understandable. Just a thought.

Timothy, You're Like a Son to Me

Timothy, because of our faith, you are like a son to me. 1 Tim 1:1

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From the CEV at least, it strikes me afresh that Paul's relationship with Timothy was like a father to a son. It's funny that the NIV's 'my true son in the faith' didn't evoke the same response in me although it is perhaps semantically stronger. However, neither version actually sticks to a word-for-word translation, which would be something like,

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'To Timothy, true child in faith'.

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Now the question is, where should the emphasis be put in that phrase? Should it be on 'true' - the genuineness of Timothy's birth into faith? Or should it be on 'child' - Timothy as a child or son or offspring? Or should it be on 'faith' - the faith into which Timothy has been born? Because wherever you think the emphasis should be will effect the translation you make.

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If it's on 'true' then you ramp up the volume on it by describing Timothy's birth into faith as being authentic, genuine, valid, true. Perhaps, 'To Timothy, a truly genuine child in the faith.'

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If it's on Timothy as a child, then child of whom? Child of faith or child of Paul's? If you opt for the latter and I guess the argument goes that this is a letter addressed to Timothy from Paul and is therefore setting out the basis of their relationship, then you ramp up this volume. There is no 'my', as has often been put in, to make effectively, 'true child of mine'. But if you are wanting to use this phrase in connection to Paul & Timothy then you might introduce a 'my' because it must surely have been on the tip of Paul's tongue, right? Thus, 'To Timothy, truly a son of mine in the faith.' Or 'Timothy, because of our faith, you are like a son to me.'

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If it's on faith then you might perhaps translate the 'in' as 'of '. Or you might understand the phrase to mean that Timothy is truly childlike in faith or that he is someone perhaps still young in faith but genuine in his pursuit of it. So something like, 'To Timothy, truly childlike when it comes to simple, sincere believing.'

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But what if you did come away from the CEV thinking that Paul had actually written the words to Timothy as they have translated it? It may well have been Paul's intention to say exactly that. At the very least, the CEV is shining a light on the phrase in just the right way to produce shadows of meaning in all those places. But significantly, Paul doesn't use the word 'son' here, which would have given a stronger sense of Timothy being an offspring of Paul's and he didn't use the word 'my' either.

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There are some who would be aghast that so much time is spent thinking through this one small phrase. But it actually would have real implications

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• in terms of comparing & contrasting Timothy's ministry with Paul's apostolic calling
• to see if there are significant similarities of commission
• for an impartation of spiritual DNA in Timothy that comes from Paul.

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It also sends a powerful statement about the nature of the relationship between Paul and this young disciple. It sounds like a warm, rich & formative relationship. It also has implications in terms of how those in ministry might possibly be called to seek to mentor other leaders.

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Looking at the bigger picture, it is again an example of the extent to which the translating process is strongly interpretative. Even the order of the original words can sometimes provide the missing emphasis we are looking for here. It's a subtle thing.

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I have found in even the most enquiring of quarters a tendency in the translating process for people to want to come down strongly for one particular answer and in effect to shut down debate. I guess we're all paid in whatever field to give answers after all. But I think it would actually be more Jewish in style to leave the question open sometimes. To retain a little bit of the mystery in the text. To make you do the work. In this instance, to leave the reader with the job of having to decide for themselves how Paul is trying to address Timothy. And that's harder to do in a dynamic equivalence because the work is done for you and the original translation effectively masked from sight, and I guess, maybe it should be for the purposes of aiding the reader in interpretation. But the question begs itself. Can the CEV really lay claim to be a translation or is it just a very easy-to-read interpretation?

In a more formal translation the words should be left plain. Then coming to a translation would become a bit like going to look at a masterpiece in the National Gallery. The picture sits framed in simplicity against the wall with a light shining on it to illuminate the whole. First you sit on the bench provided and take it all in. Then you look at different bits of it. Then having soaked in it and studied it, you come to your own conclusions of what the painter is trying to achieve and you preserve an imprint of the whole in your memory.

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For what it's worth, I think the affirming warmth and tender affection of Paul towards Timothy seems most evident in the greeting to me. In that Paul doesn't use 'my son' but rather 'true child', I think he is wanting to affirm the genuine nature of Timothy's heritage of faith wherever it has originated. And I do think he probably meant 'son of mine' because it is a relational greeting though for all the reasons above I wouldn't presume to translate it that way myself because it's too prescriptive.

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Finally, it is always going to be very difficult to find Paul's meaning because he wraps up so many deep concepts in phrases such as 'in faith'. So we will always have to wrestle with Paul's words and pray that in the process the Holy Spirit will grant us revelation of the truths Paul is pointing to. And that's something that will always be worth spending time doing.

Backing Up

God's Fireworks, originally uploaded by Ms Ladyred.

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
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They moused... They faxed... They e-mailed... They e-mailed with attachments.. They downloaded... They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports... They created labels and cards... They created charts and graphs... They did some genealogy reports.. They did every job known to man... Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was faster than hell.
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Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off!
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Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
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Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?" God just shrugged and said:
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"Jesus Saves!"

Initial Impression of Galatians

My initial impression of Galatians in the CEV is that it is indeed well written and easy to read. There are some undoubted losses in translation but one thing I did find pleasing is that the text felt really fresh to me, as if Paul's letter was speaking in a new way.

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I'm now going to move on into Paul's letter to Timothy, a letter written to a young apostle as opposed to a church and see what gems of thought I might uncover there too. It's good that the scriptures feel new all over again.

The Importance Of a Spirit Filled Life

In Gal 5:16-26 Paul concludes with the importance of a Spirit-lived life. Although he doesn't here mention being filled with or baptised in the Spirit, it is clear in the passage, and also from his alluding to Jesus' teaching on fruitfulness as a recognition of inner righteousness, that the Spirit-empowered life is absolutely essential to working out righteousness by faith.

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This is a challenge for preachers. Charismatics preach an experiential infilling of the Spirit; their expectation levels will be high and they tend to focus more on Spirit baptism with signs following but not so much on the ethical dimension. Non-charismatics tend to downplay the experiential often even discounting teaching on the Spirit. If there is talk of the role of the Spirit, it can be reduced to teaching on the effort of the believer to live right.

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Not so for Paul. He focuses squarely on the battle between the indwelling Spirit and sinful flesh. I find him very real here. Yes we have put to death the sinful nature on the cross; the back of sin has been broken. But yes there is also an ongoing battle between the flesh trying to resurrect itself until we are ultimately renewed. Pursuing the radical, indwelling & empowering life of the Spirit will bring incremental breakthroughs in the here and now.

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I am challenged to put the diamond back in the crown of Christian living and display it as it should be. The Spirit filled & empowered life is absolutely central to life lived as a Christian, in order for us to live in the reality of the justification by faith Christ has won for us at the cross. The Spirit filled life is not an optional extra for the happy-clappys. It doesn't mean extra effort to live right. It does mean a dynamic pursuit of Spirit-fellowship so that Christ and Christlikeness is formed in us.

He Has Lived Well

Pop up, originally uploaded by si3illa.

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often & loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men & the love of little children; who has filled his niche & accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others & given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction."

Bessie Anderson Stanley, 1904

No Need to Spell

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Ringing Through The Ages

I wonder what a good Jew would have thought as Paul began his discourse on the status of the Jews in Gal 4:21? I could just imagine them nodding away sagely as they happily affirm the first part of Paul's argument - all the way to the first part of 4:24 - and then choking on their tassles when Paul so fundamentally reinterprets the Jewish nation's ancestry from Abraham. Wouldn't they be tearing their hair out at Paul's use of Ishmael as a reinterpretation of the Jewish religion? At the very least Paul seems to have seismically departed from the traditional understanding of Judaism.

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Pre-Script: On the other hand

In the same introduction, the CEV looks at how it translates a psalm, effectively a poetic song of praise, moving away from a literal translation and from some of the poetic devices of the time to using more modern techniques. And it works brilliantly.

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Now why would I advocate this as good practice? For the exact same reasons as below. In the original Hebrew, the writer may be rhyming and using poetic devices, including rhythm to make the poem much more powerful as a result. All this is lost with a wooden literalistic rendering of the text. Now listen to how they take a literal translation, add the spice and in my view, slam-dunk the translation.

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NIV of Ps 29:3-4:

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The voice of the LORD is over the waters;

the God of glory thunders,

the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.
The voice of the LORD is powerful;

the voice of the LORD is majestic.

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And try to read these lines from the CEV without getting goosebumps

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The voice of the LORD echoes over the oceans.
The glorious LORD God thunders above the roar of the raging sea,
and his voice is mighty and marvelous.

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Awesome. Devastating. Evocative. You can almost hear the thunder in your head as you read. Praise-inspiring. They have captured the sense of the text perfectly.

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So between the two prescript posts here, the jury is out on the CEV.

Pre-Script

Finding meaning in translation is a tricky thing. I tend towards wanting to preserve the words people use because words in and of themselves contain nuances of meaning. For example, try explaining what a word means and you will find yourself composing a recipe. 'Oh, it means such-&-such and so-&-so with a hint of this-or-that.' This recipe is part of capturing an overall sense of the meaning of a word. In my view, anyway. I know that this is a debated point. I would also maintain that rhetorical devices also communicate meanings.

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Take one of the examples the CEV gives as a guide to its rationale in the translating process. The NIV of Jer 23:23 says

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"Am I only a God nearby," declares the LORD, "and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the LORD. "Do not I fill heaven and earth?" declares the LORD.

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The new, 'improved' CEV says (note the subtle use of quotes that, as a grammatical device, adds a spice of irony to the adjective before CEV)

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"I am everywhere-- both near and far, in heaven and on earth. There are no secret places where you can hide from me."

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Now the translators proudly maintain this is a reliable rendering. In one sense they have given a reliable rendering but in my personal opinion here at this point (which remember is an example they are giving of their approach to the text) they have stripped it of some of its potency. It is my opinion that a rhetorical question posed by the Lord should elicit the correct answers with an accompanying sense of awe. Here no such opportunity remains; and some of the spice in the text is lost asa result.

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Plain English? Yes. Plain meaning? Debatable. Spice? Totally missing.

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Palpable Disappointment

In Ch 3, it seems as if Paul breaks off from the disappointment of his experiences with the apostles to launch into the Galatians who are in the process of being led astray. But it almost seems as if Paul alone is fighting for truth, battling with Peter and even Jesus' own flesh and blood to defend the centrality of the cross. I wonder whether Paul has worked himself up into a stew with his reminiscences and now is laying into the Galatians or whether he is genuinely trying to reform their faulty thinking with generous rhetoric. Either way, he is taking no prisoners.

The important leaders

I was a little confused by the passage in Gal 2:3-8. The leaders in 2:6 sound like the infiltrators in 2:4.

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The CEV communicates something of an antipathy between these giants of the early church, almost as if there is a dividing of constituencies. The apostles can have the Jews; Paul can have the rest. And all can live in peace. It seems quite sad really.

Preaching as Revelation

1:11 My friends I want you to know that no one made up the message I preach. It wasn't given or taught to me by some mere human. My message came directly from Jesus Christ when he appeared to me.

I know this is not the point of the text but I was reminded that having a message to preach is not just an exercise of the mind but should at some level involve an aspect of revelation or inspiration, even imparted understanding, if you like.

Grace as Kindness

I love that the CEV is trying to get contemporary with their translation of grace as kindness (1:3) but is the sense of God's unmerited favouring being lost in translation? And for that matter is grace as kindness and mercy as undeserved kindness (6:16) being truncated into one concept rather than two? And how come grace is translated as kindness in one verse and wonderful kindness in the next (1:6)?

I'm not complaining. It feels more real to me already.

1, 2, 3...

3 By The Sea, originally uploaded by Meloses.

There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count. And those who can't.

thoughts on galatians

The first thought that strikes me is the extent to which Paul is defending his own ministry. This is quite personal stuff from him. I think when I come to preach a text I am looking for the eternal perspective, what will translate well and be applicable to people reading the text and trying to be a Christian in a 20/21 century context, but Paul quite loudly proclaims his credentials. So much for humility? Not really: he is vigorously defending the authority of his call. But the letter doesn't automatically translate into preaching material. If you're not careful, the requirement to produce a sermon can impose itself on the process of discovering what the text is really saying.

What I'm trying to do

What I'm trying to do here is take a new version of the Bible and look at scipture afresh. Let the letters or books themselves and the words really hit me. I am too comfortable and familiar with the NIV. I know it off by heart and back to front so it has lost its capacity to shock me with something I haven't seen before because it's like I can see around the corner. I know what's coming.

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So I have chosen the CEV. It's clear & fresh and people are praising it to the rafters; churches are even choosing it for their pew Bible. So I am going to have a look. And first impressions, at 5.30am, is that it does read rather well and that the text is really making me think again.

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But the question is, is the new stuff revelatory just because they have translated the words out of their meaning or have I been truly shocked out of my stupor?

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Take Gal 4:19 for example. In the Greek, Paul talks about being in labour pains until Christ is formed in them. A powerful metaphor connected with strong images of bringing new birth and a mysterious insight into one aspect of the apostolic role. Totally missing in the CEV: "My children, I am in terrible pain until Christ may be seen living in you." If they miss as powerful a metaphor as that because it doesn't translate well, what else might be missing? That said, in the same verse the CEV really captures a sense of Paul's bafflement with the Galatians, almost as if he really is at a loss to know how to deal with them: "You really have me puzzled." Delicious.

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I wonder whether that very verse will end up being my overall impression or whether the loss in exactness will be more than offset by the gains in understanding by the freshness of the text.

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Let the games begin.

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Conviction Rates For Rape

I found this article by Camilla Cavendish of the Times very insightful on conviction rates for rape. The comments underneath of tourists' experiences in the UK are quite disturbing.

So we are weak on rape? Think again

A question of identity

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.

And there are 5 people in my family,

So it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

Two Appalling Spectacles

In 2003, an American pilot shot at a convoy of British troops in Basra, killing one British soldier and injuring four others. At the British inquest, the American government refused to allow the video of the incident to be admitted in court or for the pilots to be interviewed as to what happened. The video was subsequently leaked to a British newspaper to the fury of the Pentagon. It is shocking viewing.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,11021-10043,00.html

Yes, friendly fire incidents will happen. But when no responsibility is taken for the consequences, and no lessons learnt, you guarantee further such episodes. It would appear that British lives continue to be cheap to the Americans. Further, the way this was subsequently dealt with by the American Government is a shameful way to treat an ally.

For the MOD, blatantly lying to the wife of Matty Hull that no such tape existed is unforgivable. It seems the only hero to come out of this debacle with his dignity intact is the soldier on the ground who rushed in to drag a comrade to safety and who desperately tried to radio this appalling incompetence to an end. The ice-cool and professional voice of the British pilot belatedly calling for the pilots to stop strafing his ground troops with uranium-depleted bullets sums it all up.

It is disgraceful for the American Government to refuse permission for this video to be shown in a coroner's court when any member of the public around the globe can go to a website and watch the whole sorry spectacle online. That's crazy & disrespectful to this nation. But it is nothing compared to the spectacle of governments treating the families of those who died in a tragic accident so badly.

A terrible day for international relations. Is that what you call a special relationship?

Flashmobbing Japanese Stylee

Winning Hearts and Minds, American Style

A bit of this and a bit of that

Sex Missionary Under Fire

This fascinating piece of scientific research on sex from Stuart Brody flies directly in the face of contemporary culture and has come under sustained fire as a result.

Sex Missionary Under Fire

Every Office needs a Terry Tate

"I really believe we are 'paradigm-breaking' here." Can't the managers get the same treatment?

SPINE EXCLUSIVE: Government Defends Radical New Speed Camera Policy

The Spine exclusively reveals the following: The government has defended its plans to introduce a new range of Gatso speed cameras onto British roads. The cameras come armed with twin multiple-rocket pods and a heat seeking missile capable of disabling a vehicle nearly thirty miles from the point where a speeding offence was committed. ‘This is a deterrent,’ said transport secretary, Douglas Alexander. ‘If drivers know that they face the risk of being hit by a high explosive ordinance, they might think a little more carefully about speeding. And with a thirty mile range, we can have highly trained controllers review the tapes before they decide to fire the missiles.’

Leaked government figures have revealed that they expect nearly 2000 casualties each year as a direct result of the new speed cameras, but they projections also estimate that accidental deaths will drop by nearly 4000. Said a transport expect, ‘these might seem a bit dramatic but in real terms, Britain’s roads will be safer.’

All credit to http://www.the-spine.com/ for their incisive comments.

Crosswind landings

A combination of a powerful soundtrack with the awe-inspiring heroism displayed by these INCREDIBLE airline pilots makes for compelling viewing as Boeing secretly test the ability of the 747 and 777 to cope with crosswinds at an undisclosed location.

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Those pilots are worth EVERY PENNY of the salaries they are paid while they hold our lives in their hands. They train in secret, do their job unseen and then go home. Heroes all.

The power of television

Just watching a Christmas 'Challenge Anneka', Anneka put out a television appeal and no sooner had the phone number appeared on screen the switchboard started ringing with hundreds of phone calls one after the other.

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A truly awesome testament to the power of television. And astonishing to see that some people will pick up the phone and dial a number that appears on the screen apparently without a moment's hesitation. I was so surprised I thought I would blog it straight away.

Having a good giggle

There's such a fine line between laughing and crying when a baby is all excited. But this little one waits with great anticipation to be prompted into gales of laughter. Delightful.

A close shave in anyone's book...

This video would be enough to induce fatal apoplexy in half the Health & Safety Executive in this country. The other half however would seize all passports and introduce a permanent ban on all travel outside the UK. So if you are from the HSE, for all the good it might do, please don't watch.

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If you however are a fully paid up member of this planet, I guarantee you will watch this more than once for the sheer shock of the woman only just getting away with rushing across the path of an oncoming bullet train.

Join the queue...

The thing I hate about queues is that you always have to join them at the back. Somehow it offends my sense of entitlement.

December (First Day)

December (First Day), originally uploaded by magic fly paula.

The stamp of success

Did this pass you by? You can now purchase your stamps online, print out a pre-paid label with an address on, either straight onto an envelope or on to a piece of A4 paper, stick on to your letter and send!

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There is no extra charge for the service. You do have to pay £3.50 deposit but if that is unused after a year it is returned to your debit account. And you have to post your letter by the end of the next working day. But if you don't post it then you can get a refund within seven days on your stamp charges.

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How about that! And it looks quite professional too. Ahh, the Internet. It's handy sometimes.

Borat Answers Back

Sacha Baron Cohen has answered back concerning his latest film, Borat according to the Times. He is right to satirise racism wherever it is and to point out how deeply appalling it is. However, to egg people on to join him in his own brand of racism is not acceptable because he has caused offence to an entire nation.

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It's a massive own goal and in my view profoundly mistaken.

Borat, aren't you being racist?

I don't get what's funny about pretending you are from a foreign country, labelling your countrymen as backward, talking about how they call their women whores, abuse their children, drink horse urine, hate the Jews and beat their wives. Then suggest that the bemused manner in which Americans respond is evidence of latent racism in them.

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But if it is so funny, why didn't Cohen pick another country to stereotype? Say, a country with black people in it? Or Israel? Or an Islamic country? Of course he wouldn't. That would be far too blatant. Or dangerous. It would cross the line. He wouldn't do it because it would be deemed racist.

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So how does he get away with being so prejudiced towards Kazakhstan? Is it because they don't have the muscle to stick up for themselves? Is it funny because we don't know where Kazakhstan is on the map?

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In any event if I laugh along with Cohen's slurs, why is it not like laughing at the antics of a playground bully?

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In attempting to highlight the wrongs of others, Cohen has become an example of what he is trying to despise. I don't think I'll be going to see this film.

Favourite Movie of all Time?

A VERY difficult question because of the huge range of films to choose from.

Considerations

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1. Did I enjoy it regardless of its subsequent reputation?

2. Would I want to watch it again?

3. For the A-list, which movies would I grab if the building was burning down?

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Here are the interim results.

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A

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Band of Brothers, Driving Miss Daisy, Gladiator, Mona Lisa Smile, The Remains of the Day, Shadowlands,

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B

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Airplane, Ali, Arthur, Artificial Intelligence,

Back to the Future I, Bridget Jones, Blade Runner, Braveheart, The Bodyguard, Bourne Identity, Batman Trilogy, Beauty & the Beast, Bruce Almighty, Bugsy, Backdraft, Batman Begins, Batman, A Beautiful Mind, Black Hawk Down, Bourne Supremacy, Buffalo Soldiers, Bugsy Malone,

Catch Me if you Can, Chocolat, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, The Cider House Rules, Cinderella Man, Coach Carter, Cocktail, Collateral, The Color of Money, Cold Mountain, The Constant Gardener, Crouching Tiger: Hidden Dragon,

Dangerous Liaisons, Dead Poets Society, The Devil Wears Prada, Die Hard I II III,

Emma, Empire Records, Enigma, Entrapment, E.T. - The Extra Terrestrial, Etre et Avoir,

Fame, Far & Away, The Fast & the Furious, Fight Club, First Knight, A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, Forrest Gump, The Firm, Four Weddings & a Funeral, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe,

Gandhi, Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai, The Great Escape, The Godfather I II III, Good Will Hunting, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Good Morning Vietnam, Good Night & Good Luck, A Good Year, The Green Mile, Groundhog Day,

HP & the Philosopher's Stone, HP & The Chamber of Secrets, HP & The Prisoner of Azkaban, HP & The Goblet of Fire, Heat, Hitch,

The Incredibles, Indecent Proposal, Independence Day, Indiana Jones, In the Line of Fire, The Inside Man, It's a Wonderful Life,

James Bond I-XXI, Jaws, Jerry Maguire, Jesus of Nazareth, Joan of Arc, Jurassic Park,

L.A. Confidential, Last of the Mohicans, The Last Samurai, Leap of Faith, Leon, Lethal Weapon, Liar Liar, LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring, LOTR: Two Towers, LOTR: Return of the King,

Monsters Inc, Man on Fire, Mary Poppins, MASH, The Mask, Matchstick Men, Matrix I II III, Men in Black, Million Dollar Baby, Minority Report, Miss Potter, Mr & Mrs Smith, Mrs Brown, Mrs Doubtfire, The Muppet Christmas Carol, My Fair Lady,

Nanny McPhee, NL: Christmas Vacation,

Ocean's Eleven, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, An Officer & a Gentleman, Oliver Twist, Out of Sight,

Passion of the Christ, Patch Adams, The Patriot, A Perfect World, Phenomenon, Pleasantville, Police Academy, Pretty Woman, Pride & Prejudice,

The Railway Children, The Rainmaker, Rain Man, Rasputin, Remember the Titans, Road to Perdition, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, The Rookie, Roxanne,

Saving Private Ryan, Scent of a Woman, SeaBiscuit, School of Rock, Shakespeare in Love, The Shawshank Redemption, The Sixth Sense, Sommersby, The Sound of Music, The Snowman, Spellbound, Spiderman I II, SW: The Phantom Menace, SW: Revenge of the Sith, SW: Attack of the Clones, Star Wars: A New Hope, SW: The Empire Strikes Back, SW: Return of the Jedi, Superman I II III,

Terminator, Terminator 2, The Thomas Crown Affair, Three Kings, Top Gun, Trading Places, Training Day, The Truman Show,

Unforgiven, The Untouchables,

Wallace & Gromit: A Grand Day Out, W&G: The Wrong Trousers, W&G: A Close Shave, W&G: Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Wedding Crashers, We Were Soldiers, Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, What Women Want, The Wizard of Oz,

The X-Men series, xXx,

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Movies I ought to see
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Casablanca, Citizen Kane, Goodfellas, Schindler's List, Serenity, Singin' in the Rain, The Usual Suspects

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Do you have a recommendation?
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Favourite TV Series of all time
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Airwolf (1984), All Creatures Great & Small (1978), The Apprentice (USA) (2004), The A-Team (1983), Bagpuss (1974), Band of Brothers (2001), The Bill (early hour-long version) (1984), Blakes 7 (1978), Cagney & Lacey (1982), CHiPs (1977), COPS (1989), The Cosby Show (1984), Dallas (1978), Dempsey & Makepeace (1985), Dog The Bounty Hunter (2004), Dragon's Den (2004), Dukes of Hazzard (1979), The Equalizer (1985), Fame (1982), Grange Hill (1978), Grey's Anatomy (2005), House (2004), Knight Rider (1982), Miami Vice (1984), Monkey (1978), Moonlighting (1985), Mr Benn (1971), Teachers (2001), The Muppet Show (1976), Robin of Sherwood (1984), Star Trek (1966), Vicar of Dibley (1994), The Waltons (1972), The X Files (1993).
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Can you believe those dates? What a trip down Memory Lane! Did I miss anything?

Reflection on Danish Cartoon row

If the Religious Hatred Law Bill had been passed this week then it would have been illegal for anyone to even show us the Danish cartoons. Tony Blair's personal mistake in failing to turn up and vote was all that stopped freedom of speech being consigned to history in the UK. I find that deeply disturbing.

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Secondly, I am so glad that Muslims in this country have been making full use of their right to free speech to give full vent to their views. It's such an excellent principle, isn't it? It is paradoxical they want to deny it to others.

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Thirdly, why have the government been actively seeking to shut down free speech but have done nothing about hundreds of people parading posters through London threatening another 7/7, making intimidating insinuations about 9/11, and trying to incite people to behead or exterminate those who offend them? Isn't there already a law about inciting or threatening violence?

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Fourthly, if the cartoons were satirising the fact that Islam has an extremely violent underbelly of terrorism and murder, what would be the best way to go about refuting it?

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Only now are we belatedly waking up to the drunken haze with which the government have been drafting these terrible bills. Governments must preserve principles that act as a plumbline in making laws that govern.

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Default on them and you default on your mandate to govern.

Not so great odds

Thinking of playing the lottery?

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Perhaps this might give a sense of perspective.

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'Casinos typically pay out more than 97 per cent of money staked. With Premium Bonds you actually get to keep your stake, plus an average of 3½ per cent, in prize money per year; small wonder the Government doesn’t promote them. The lottery payout? Fifty per cent.

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'And these pathetic returns are so skewed to the jackpots that the average player receives far less than that, even over a lifetime. If you bought ten tickets a week for 50 years, your chances of winning one jackpot in that time would be less than 1 in 500. You would almost certainly lose about 80 per cent of your cumulative stake.

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'To represent the vanishingly small chance of a lottery jackpot in the game of roulette, you would need to build a wheel with close to 14 million compartments; to scale, the wheel would be bigger than London — too large, in fact, to fit inside the M25.

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'If you were picking a card, the pack would be three miles high. And so on. It could be you. But it goes to good causes, right? Well, if you want to give 28p to a good cause chosen by the lotterycrats, buy a £1 lottery ticket. Or you could give £1 directly to a charity of your choice — that’s £1.28, with gift aid.

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'Nor is the lottery much of a tax. The operator, Camelot, raised £4.77 billion in 2004-05, of which it and the retailers shared equally the last 10 per cent: £477 million. The Inland Revenue, over the same period, raised £380 billion at a cost of less than 1 per cent of the money raised. '

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Thanks to the Times for the information

Two Wardrobes? Oh No!

Apparently there are now two wardrobes with a claim to be the portal through which you can enter Narnia. And check out the story of the real Lucy Pevensie in Jack's life who inspired him to get writing about the wardrobe.

My Wheaton Story

When I arrived at the airport, all the "aliens" were greeted with a good old fashioned American welcome of over two hours in a passport control queue of around 600 people, being tackled by 3 surly customs guards, while watching 6 empty booths for the trickle of Americans passing straight through. So I apologised profusely to Tony, my host, who was very gracious when I finally emerged.
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Just then he had a chance encounter with two other good friends of his plus wives, who had also just arrived. One was Michael Quicke, one-time Principal of Spurgeon's College and author of a ground-breaking book on preaching called, "360 Degree Preaching"; and the other was Bob Wiseheart, a retired pastor of various American Baptist Churches. It seemed a good opportunity for everyone and a personal privilege for me to meet the man behind a book I had studied during my training for ministry and we decided to meet for lunch the following day.

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On the way back Tony was really buzzing about this felicitous meeting and we chatted about how the Lord leads and talked about how in Acts the Holy Spirit led Philip to even witness to an Ethiopian Government Official. We were both very encouraged about our encounter at the airport.

The following day was very precious. I got on really well with Bob who had just the loveliest spirit and was so gracious towards me. He decided to take me around Chicago and poured his life & wisdom into me during my trip. We talked about every single aspect of pastoral ministry you could imagine and he gently mentored me with a real father's heart. I thank the Lord for his kindness and ministry to me. I will NEVER forget it.

While I was at Wheaton, I spent quite a bit of time in the library. One day I returned to my computer and there was a guy sat at the next station to mine who was just leaving. We got chatting briefly and he asked what I was doing in Wheaton. Then he said, "You know, I just feel I should invite you to a banquet at the Hilton I am organising. It is usually $75 for a ticket, but I want you to come as my guest. It's an Ethiopian-American banquet." I thought this a bit unusual and fobbed him off. Later at Tony and Marion's I asked them if it was normal for a total stranger to invite you to a banquet at a top hotel. They counselled caution.

The next morning though I was lying in bed and remembered that passage in Acts where Philip went to witness to the Ethiopian Eunuch and I started to read...

Ac 8:26 Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, "Go south to the road—the desert road—that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza." 27 So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians...

That was all I needed to read. Ethiopian Official. Ethiopian Banquet! Maybe the Lord was directing me to go to this thing! So that's how I ended up being at the Hilton in my jeans and hoodie at a banquet of 500 very well-dressed people, sitting next to one of the four organisers (the friend in the library) and finding out about Christians who had been granted the most amazing open door into Ethiopia: a country, incidentally, called the Gateway to Africa.

The Ethiopian Ambassador to the United Nations, His Excellency Kassahun Ayele

But here's the craziest part. What I didn't know was that the honoured guest at this event was the Ethiopian Ambassador to the United Nations, His Excellency Kassahun Ayele, an important government official. As I sat there, I felt the Lord telling me I was to go pray for him and give him a prophetic word. After the banquet I had opportunity to meet him and he listened intently as I shared the word I sensed the Lord had given me; he then graciously allowed me to pray for him and asked if I would keep in touch by email.

I used to preach about the verse where Philip is told to go to the chariot. 'The Spirit told Philip, "Go to that chariot and stay near it." Then Philip ran...' as a beautiful illustration of a willingness to be led by the Spirit. I thank the Lord for the encounter he gave me and the way he arranged for me to end up in that special place. I am always praying that I will keep in step with the Spirit, that the Lord would open doors and give me divine appointments; that I will move and operate in the gifts and anointing of the Holy Spirit. And I am so grateful that the Lord is still teaching me.

And I am learning.

Back. Up. Your. Data.

In my first year at LST I got to know a dissertation student who was running her bibliography off a floppy disk and had no copy on a hard disk anywhere. I didn't feel I ought to keep nagging this particular acquaintance, so I didn't labour the point about always having multiple copies in different places.

A few days later, the inevitable happened. The floppy corrupted. She lost every single reference of the hundreds she had, and had to go through the entire library making up her bibliography all over again. It took her days and she was as MISERABLE as sin. I empathised passionately. I wrung my hands in concert with hers. But what could I do?

Now read the story below, digest and learn. And the moral of the tale is, if you don't want to find yourself screaming in a massive trash dumper in the back of beyond, then back up your data in multiple places.

Now I've told you. And if you are doing a dissertation I wish you well. Happy New Year.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/21/AR2005122102311.html

Narnia books. Christian?

Well, as I have been taught for many years, when looking for the author's intent, you should always go to the author and see what they intended. (I love my expensive education. You can get a degree in it.)

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Here is C S Lewis' view (straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak) set out in a letter recently discovered in an archive, written in 1961 from Magdalen College, Oxford to a child fan.

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"The whole Narnian story is about Christ . . . Supposing there really was a world like Narnia . . . and supposing Christ wanted to go into that world and save it (as He did ours) what might have happened?

“The stories are my answer. Since Narnia is a world of talking beasts, I thought he would become a talking beast there as he became a man here. I pictured him becoming a lion there because a) the lion is supposed to be the king of beasts; b) Christ is called ‘the lion of Judah’ in the Bible.”

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So that settles it? Probably not.

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But as for C S Lewis's intention? It would dishonour him not to allow him to speak for himself. Here we are, Jack. Here's your moment.

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"The whole Narnian story is about Christ."

Creative Justice. Brilliant.

The Times December 08, 2005

Who says the law is an ass?
From David Charter in Painesville, Ohio
A maverick judge is making the punishment fit the crime

MICHELLE MURRAY anticipated a short jail term for abandoning 35 kittens in a forest. She never expected to be sentenced to spend a night in the woods.

In the event it was so cold that she spent just three hours in the open before being taken back to a warm prison cell, but Judge Mike Cicconetti had made his point. He wanted the 26-year-old Ohio housewife to feel the same pain as the animals she dumped, many of which later died.

“You don’t do that. You don’t leave these poor little animals out and, yes, I wanted to set an example for her future conduct or anybody else who was contemplating doing such a thing,” the plain-speaking 54-year-old judge said.

Judge Cicconetti’s unusual ruling was just the latest example of his unique brand of “creative justice” which has won him national acclaim. He was elected unopposed to serve another six years on the bench in Lake County, Ohio, last month, and this year won the presidency of the American Judges Association.

He sent a man caught with a loaded gun to the mortuary to view dead bodies, and ordered teenagers who let down tyres on school buses to throw a picnic for primary school children.

He has ordered noisy neighbours to spend a day of silence in the woods, or to listen to classical music instead of rock.

After heavy snowfall across northern Ohio this week he handed out sentences involving clearing snow instead of jail. “People will say that it is cruel and unusual punishment — I hear that all the time,” the judge told The Times yesterday. “But what is cruel and unusual punishment? Is it a little bit of embarrassment and humiliation? The old ducking chair they used to use in England, that’s cruel and unusual.

“But when you have people out there fulfilling these sentences, you are doing it for them and the victims and the community.”

The offenders have a choice: jail or a creative sentence. He said: “What could be better than shovelling snow for senior citizens? Do we serve the community better like that or by putting someone in jail at a cost of $70 (£45) a day?” He attributes his unusual approach to his tough background. He was the oldest of nine siblings who had to work part-time collecting rubbish to fund himself through college and studied law at night school.

“I didn’t go to a prestigious law firm. I had to gut it out. It makes you understand what the working man goes through,” he said. He admitted that not all of his creative sentences worked. He gave a drink-driver who tried to run away from police the chance to shorten his sentence if he completed a real running race. The finishing position would determine the time he would remain in jail. The man trained hard, came fifth and was let out five days later, only to use his new athletic skills to snatch a woman’s purse. He was sent to prison by another court.

A drawer in his cramped office in the Painesville Municipal Courthouse is full of thank-you letters from both victims and criminals. The other day he met the uncle of a teenager he ordered to sit outside a pornographic video store. “Part of the sentence, a condition of his probation, was that he finished high school and got a job. He did both and his uncle said he was doing great now.

“When you engage people and praise them for their good behaviour, not unlike children, it helps their self-esteem. My judicial philosophy is really not that much different from a parental philosophy,” he said.

“I have five children. You can paddle them or spank them but what do you gain? Most people want to be good but for little obstacles or habits. We have to change the habits and remove the obstacles. That’s our job.”

JUDGE CICCONETTI'S CREATIVE JUSTICE

A man who called a police officer a pig was sentenced to spend two hours standing in a pen with a hog in central Painesville with a sign saying: “This is not a police officer”

An 18-year-old who stole pornographic videos was ordered by Judge Cicconetti, below right, to sit outside the shop wearing a blindfold and a sign saying “See no evil”

A woman who dumped 35 kittens in the woods was told to spend the night in the same place in freezing conditions

Two teenagers who defaced a nativity statue of Jesus with the number 666 had to lead a donkey through the streets wearing a sign saying “Sorry for the jackass offence”

A couple caught having sex on the beach of Lake Erie were told to apologise in local newspapers

Copyright 2005 Times Newspapers Ltd.

I must say...

I think Marie looked particularly pretty today...

A Fitting Tribute to Rosa Parks

Rosa Parks, whose act of civil disobedience sparked off major civil rights changes in the United States of America, recently passed away. The story of the bus where she made her stand - by staying seated - is a beautiful piece of history from a unique angle.